"great" parent

i glanced just by curiosity who is looking at my facebook timeline- i find that i'm pretty sure my friend from high school amy was looking at it. the most probable reason for that (because she honestly doesn't have time to talk to a loser like me) is because my mom thinks she's smart and just assumes if she whines to amy (when she sees her at the bank) about how much she misses me- i'll think that she wants to be my friend and just dump MY OWN GOALS WHICH I'VE HAD OVER TWENTY FUCKIN YEARS BECAUSE SOMEONE THAT LIVES AROUND MY MOM ACTUALLY WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND!! how much of a fuckin loser do you THINK i am to just dump my goals because a friend of mine that lives around my mom actually gives me the time of day? tell me- did you tell amy about how you used me as a human SHIELD while my dad was kicking (literally) your ass but he ended up kicking ME instead because a certain NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE MOM USED HER DAUGHTER AS A SHIELD TO PREVENT GETTING KICKED BY MY DAD?! i've had AT LEAST TWO SURGERIES ON MY ABDOMINAL ORGANS IN MY LIFE SO FAR TO PROVE IT. the ONLY thing YOU (my mom) deserve is for the SAME EXACT SHIT TO HAPPEN TO YOU. YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A DAMN PUSSY TO GO THROUGH ALL THE SHIT I HAVE AND KEEP YOUR ANGER BACK THIS LONG AFTER THAT SHIT HAPPENED. you also deserve an award for the shittiest parent there is. so whenever someone asks me what my family thinks about me moving out of state, i can HONESTLY say, "why? so my mom can use me as a shield to her while life kicks her ass for being such a damn SHITTY PERSON?" go get bent. that's just another reason why i refuse to talk to your stupid ass. probably the biggest i'd say. NO ONE can tell me how i should feel about this shit until THEIR PARENT uses THEM as a shield while their other parent KICKS and BEATS ON THEM. i don't have tolerance for your bullshit anymore. you have another daughter who you obviously care about more because you actually quit smoking for her but you wouldn't do it for me after i had at least 3 surgeries on my respiratory organs. go screw yourself. you never fuckin missed me when you left me at home by myself when i was paraplegic and in an electric wheelchair so you could go play pool with your little boyfriend carlos. you just like the fuckin attention. go get it from somewhere else, loser.
besides- i distinctly remember grandma mentioning how you were holding me in your arms and you "turned away while alfonso was kicking her." when she was asked if i went through anything that caused trauma to my stomach region before the doctor asked me if i went through anything that caused trauma to my abdomen region. LATER ON ABOUT 27 YEARS LATER (about a month or two ago I THINK), i had to have surgery AGAIN because my intestines were blocking my bowel from moving properly.. i had just been sitting down on my couch and at my computer when it happened- SO I DIDN'T TWIST IT MYSELF. *gasp* could it have been an after effect from some narcissistic-sad excuse of a mother using ME as a shield (trying to put me in front of her and she thought my dad wouldn't kick her because he cared for me so much but she did it so quickly- he didn't have an opportunity NOT to follow through with his kicking motion as she put me in front of her selfish ass). i had dreams reminiscing this shit alot around the time when i had my last surgery. i'm sure it was God explaining to me what happened and why it happened.